Irrational Emotions Chapter 36

Thanks for the virtual chicken soup. That was very sweet of you. Thankfully I am starting to feel a little better so hopefully by the end of this week I'l be good as new.Or at least that's what the doctor is telling me and since the man has a couple hundred grand worth of education he should know what he's talking about right?

I woke up early the next morning and tried to decide if showing up at the game was as good of an idea as it seemed before I went to sleep. I talked to my mom and she offered to keep the baby overnight so I could figure things out without having to worry about him. I waited until I had to leave so I wouldn't get there too early. I was nervous about facing him, and didn't have a very good feeling about the outcome. If what the guys were telling me was true, and I had no reason not to believe them, he was being really moody and nasty to everyone. I didn't want to hear the words that I knew I was going to hear but I guess it was better to just get it over with, kind of like ripping off a band-aid even though you know it's going to hurt like hell. I got to the arena and I waited until I knew that the guys were going to be on the ice to warm up before I headed inside. I found Karri and I went to apologize one more time but she shushed me and told me that we could talk about it later. The guys were already on the ice and I watched him as he skated around like he really wasn't interested in being there. I watched as Tazer skated over to him and said something and he responded by just shrugging his shoulders and skating off into the corner, where he took a couple of half ass shots at the net before finally going back to the locker room. I could tell that it was going to be a bad game and unfortunatly it was, at least for him. They were playing against the Canucks, which was always hard since they had such a rivalry over the years and Patrick took not one but three really stupid penalties. In the end they were shut out by the Canuck three nothing.





" This is a bad idea. I shouldn't be here right now." I said trying to not sound as scared as I was





" I know that this isn't the best time but you really need to do this.Come on." Karri grabbed my arm and started to pull me towards the locker room. I thought about digging in my heels but I didn't think that it would really do me any good. We had to wait for the guys to start coming out and the mood was grim.





" He's still in most of his gear if you want to go talk to him. " Seabs said to me as him and Duncs walked out and towards the exit





" Yeah and maybe you can do us all a favor and tell him that he really needs to get the stick out of his ass. He won't listen to any of us." Duncs added as they were walking away





Apparently they didn't have any idea that I was the reason that he had the stick up his ass. I went to walk in and heard the sound of a voice. I thought I knew who it was but I was one hundred percent sure so I walked farther in a peeked around the corner





" Man you are such a fucking hypocrite. You fucked some random chick while she was pregnant and she forgave you. Now that she makes one mistake and here you sit ready to throw everything away over a stupid kiss. And then to top it off you basically throw away the game acting like a two year old."





I saw Tazer and Patrick standing toe to toe with each other, well as much as their height difference allowed. They were both red faced and I could guess by the yelling that I had just heard that they were in the middle of a fight, a fight that was mostly about me. Neither of them acknowledged that I was in the room even though I cleared my throat to let them know that I was there. I went to where they were both standing and tried to get Jonathans attention by grabbing his arm. I might as well have been trying to move a brick wall for all of the good it did me.




" Taze, come on. Please just go home and let me deal with this." He didn't anwser or budge and I tried one more time








" Jon please. I know that you are trying to help but it isn't. Go home." I said in my best mom voice and it must have worked because he finally turned enough to look at me like he was contemplating listening to me. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly and it was like all of the anger that was visable before drained out of his body.




" Fine your right. He isn't going to listen to me anyway so there really isn't any point to this anyway. Will you be okay if I go."




" Yes I will. Promise."




I watched as he walked out of the room and when I turned around Patrick had his back to me and was yanking off what was left of his gear.




" You know, he's right. You really are being a hypocrite." I said as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. He slowly turned around to look at me like I was being crazy, but I wasn't about to back down.


" I can't defend what I did. It was wrong and I knew it. But he is right." He stopped what he was doing and finally looked at me for the first time since I had walked in to the room


" I know that I'm not being fair but I can't help the way that I feel. " he said shrugging


" Am I ever going to get a chance to make this right?" I asked dreading the anwser


" Honestly I really don't know right now. I just need some time and space to think about things."

I wanted to argue with him but I could tell by the set of his body that it wasn't going to have any effect.

" Whenever your willing to talk let me know okay."

He didn't say anything to acknowledge what I had just said. He went back to stripping off the rest of his sweaty underarmor and I got the very distinct feeling that he was dismissing me. I wanted to say more but it would have been useless. I went to leave and I was really hoping that everyone would be gone but I should have known that Karri and Adam would be waiting to see what happened. I started to cry and that pretty much anwsered any questions that they had. They both tried to reassure me but it didn't do much good. I knew that I still wanted to talk to Karri and I think that Adam sensed it because he asked me to give her a ride home. We jumped into my car and made our way to a little diner that the team occasionally went to. I sat and I tried to think of a way that I could ask her what was on her mind but she brought it up before I had the chance.

" I know that you must think that I am crazy for how I am handling this but I really meant what I said."

I did think that she was crazy and I still really didn't understand where she was coming from.

" Do you remember the conversation we had before when you basically told me that he was going to propose to me, that I just had to be patient?"

" Yeah it was the same day that I got my ring from Patrick."

" Well a part of me really wanted him to ask but a part of me wasn't sure that I was going to say yes if he did."

" What?" I asked surprised

" Something happened that I never told you about. The first time I ever met his sister she commented on how much alike we were. I didn't really think anything of it at the time but I started to wonder about it. I think that there was a part of me that always worried that he was with me because he couldn't have you and that I was a replacement for you. I just never said anything because I didn't want to come off as the jealous, stupid girlfriend and besides you are my friend and you had never given me a reason to think that you felt anything but friendship towards Adam."

" That still doesn't explain why you don't want to claw my eyes out."

" Let me finish and it should make more sense. After you told Patrick what happened Adam told me because he figured that it would be better to hear it from him instead of someone else. I'm not going to lie, I did hate you, for a few minutes at least. I wanted to leave right then but he made me stay long enough to listen to what he had to say and I am glad that I did. He told me that he had always wondered if he had made a mistake in not telling you how he felt all of that time ago and even though he cared about me he didn't think that it was fair to me that we get married while he still felt that way. When you guys kissed I guess it made him realize that any feelings that he may have had for you like that had faded and that I was the one that he really wanted. He didn't have to wonder anymore and I don't think that there was really anything else that could have happened to make that doubt go away. I know that it was basically the same for you. So I know that won't happen again because you both now know that what you have right in front of you is what you really want. So yeah that's pretty much it. Did that make sense?"



" Yeah I think that it does. If you don't mind I think that I'm going to head back to my mom's."

She tried to talk me into staying but I wasn't going to be talked into it. All I wanted to do was see my son and then climb into a nice warm bed so I could sleep off some of the emotional weakness that I was feeling. I climbed into my car and started the drive back. It wasn't horribly late but I was exhausted and I could feel my eyes start to droop a little. I sped up a little trying to make up some time but that wasn't a good idea either. The next thing that I knew my body was being jerked against the seatbelt as I slammed into something. I think that my head hit the steering wheel because everything got fuzzy and went black