I laid in the bed and tried not to scream as another contraction ripped through my body. My mother was trying to coach me through it. It had been almost three months since I had moved back to Madison and the only people that I had contact with was Adam and Karri. I hadn't spoken to Patrick since the night that I had kicked him out of my hospital room. He had tried to contact me several times but he finally got a clue when all he ever got was my voicemail. Adam tried talking to me about it once but I made it very clear that I wasn't willing to listen to anything that he had to say about the situation. The tension in my abdomen finally started to ease up and my mom grabbed a wet cloth and wiped my sweaty forehead with it.
" I know that you don't want to hear this right now, but I really wish that you would let me call him. He belongs here with you, not me."
" Can we not do this right now. Please? He made his choice and I wasn't it okay." I said through a clenched jaw
" Your going to hate me for this but I called Adam to let him know that it was time and I asked him to bring Patrick along. This baby is going to need it's father and no matter what happened between you two he deserves to be here for it."
Before I had time to react another contraction ripped through me, strong enough that I screamed. This continued on for another three hours. It was almost eleven when they arrived at the hospital. I was just getting over another contraction when the nurse came in to check me.
" It seems like your almost ready to have this baby. I'll send the doctor in a few minutes. You have some visitors. Do you want me to send them in or do you want to wait until afterwards?"
" Now." I said barely above a whisper
I watched as my mom got up and met them at the door. She said something to the both of them but I couldn't hear what it was. My eyes found his and I felt a little satisfaction at what I saw. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and he looked nervous. Adam came over and grabbed my hand.
" Man you look like crap." he said with a grin
" Thanks asshole. You try pushing a head out of your pelvis and then you can talk shit."
He glanced over at Patrick. He still looked unsure what to do and it wasn't until Adam motioned him over.
" I know that this isn't the ideal situation but let's get the baby here and then maybe you guys can talk about what is going to happen afterwards. I'm going to go find your mom. I love you but, how did you put it, the idea of watching you push a head out of your pelvis is disgusting."
Adam pushed Patrick towards me. He sat in the chair besides me and he looked surprised when I held out my hand to him. He grabbed it and we sat in silence until the doctor came in. The doctor introduced himself to Patrick and after checking me one more time pronounced that it was time to push as soon as my next contraction came. It didn't take long for that to happen and as I was told to push all I could focus on was the intense pain. I screamed and gripped his hand so hard that I was sure that I had broken it, but if it hurt he didn't let on. He wiped the hair out of my face and whispered encouraging words in my ear and even though they had went behind my back, I was glad that he was here with me. One final push and the baby was here.
" It's a little baby boy." the doctor announced
He let Patrick cut the cord and they laid the baby on a small heating table to clean him off and make sure that everything was alright. After a few minutes they brought him over and laid him on my chest.
" He's perfect." he said as he looked at our son
" Yeah he is, isn't he?" I said and I couldn't help but smile at him
I held the baby out for him to hold and he looked scared as I gently laid him in his arms.
" Not now Patrick. Let's just enjoy this before we have to have the discussion about what we are going to do."
" That's fine as long as we have it at some point."
My mom and Adam wandered in and they both fussed over the baby. I ignored the glances that I got from both of them. The nurse came in and went to take the baby to the nursery. Everyone came and gave the baby a kiss before she left with him.
" What are you guys going to name the little monster?" Adam asked as they were getting ready to leave
" I was thinking Adam Timothy Kane. If that's alright with you."
" Yeah I like it."
They all turned to leave and I was even surprised by the words that came out of my mouth.
" You can stay. I mean if you want to, you can stay."
" Are you sure?"
" Yeah I told you we would talk. Now is probably better than later."
" Yeah I would like that."
I scooted over in the bed and patted the empty spot that I left. He came over and sat but wouldn't make eye contact with me.
" I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again. I want to but I don't know if I can."
" I know. If it's any consolation I'm willing to spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to make it up to you. The last three months have been a living hell."
He picked up my hand and held it in his. I had almost forgotten how good his skin felt on mine.
" I missed you." he said as he as he brought my knuckles up to his mouth to kiss
" I missed you too, so much that it hurt sometimes."
" You know that they delivered all of the stuff that you had bought a couple of days after you left. I set it all up hoping that you would come back."
" Yeah. I knew that I had royally screwed up but I had hope that you would let me fix it."
" I'm not going to just go running back to you. We still have a lot of things to work out but regardless you will always be in your child's life and we will always be connected.
" As long as you give me a chance, that's all I ask."
He laid next to me and wrapped his arm around me. As much as I hated what he had done I knew that part of me would always love him and I was willing to give him a second chance to prove that he meant what he said, that he couldn't live without me. I guess I had to have a little faith