I spent the whole night tossing and turning. After what was probably a couple of hours I gave up and went back downstairs. I found Adam sleeping on the couch sitting up. I decided to try to wake him up because if I left him he was going to be sore. I poked my finger into his ribcage and whispered his name. He mumbled something that I couldn't understand and I leaned closer so I could whisper into his ear and when I did he turned his head and his lips brushed mine. I froze, not having a clue as to what I should do. I was exhausted and not really in my right mind and I did what I had contemplated doing earlier. I grabbed his jaw and gently put my lips against his. It didn't seem to wake him up at least not fully but he responded and I couldn't help but enjoy it. He opened his mouth a little and I deepened the kiss. He let out a little groan against my lips before reciprocating. His arm snaked around my waist and I found myself pressed up against him, my chest into his side and there was no way that he wouldn't be able to feel how aroused I was through the thin material of his t-shirt. There was a little voice in the back of my head that was screaming at me that this was wrong but I was able to ignore it when one of his hands crept up my shirt and started making their way up my side. His hands on my skin felt different, more rough but I didn't stop him as he palmed the side of my breast and began to play with my hard nipple, pinching and pulling until it made me cry out. I wanted to know what he felt like under my fingers too so I did the same to him, my fingers making their way slowly under his shirt.I could feel his abs twitch under the pads of my fingers. I found the soft trail of hair near the top of his pants and he let out another soft groan as I traced over it. All of this time he had never once opened his eyes to look at me and his lips made their way to my neck.
" Karri babe, I think we should take this upstairs" he murmered against my skin
Those words jolted me back to reality. What the hell was I thinking? This was wrong on so many levels and he didn't even realize that it was me. I pulled away and he finally opened his eyes, blinking a few times before really looking at me. Neither of us said a word, we just stared at one another for a few seconds. I swallowed and tried to think of something to say that would make this all go away but I couldn't think of anything and I was in no condition to hear anything that he may have to say so I got up without a word and made my way back to the room that I had been trying to sleep in earlier. I managed to keep my tears at bay until my head hit the pillow and the possible consequences of what I had done hit me like a ton of bricks. This was worse than what Patrick had done to me. It wasn't right but at least it was some faceless puckbunny that I would never have to face. I was the lowest form of scum for letting this get so out of hand and I had no one to blame but myself. Finally my body became exhausted enough that I started to drift off to sleep. A part of me didn't want to wake up because if I didn't wake up then I wouldn't have to deal with what the morning would bring. The next morning I woke up and when I looked at the clock it was almost ten. I bolted out of bed and made my way downstairs to check on AJ who was in the habit of getting up early. I heard noise coming from the kitchen and when I peeked in I saw Adam sitting at the his kitchen table holding Aj in his lap. He was talking to him and feeding him with his free hand. I stood there for a few minutes just watching him interact with Aj. I had always thought that he was going to make a great parent someday and watching him now only reinforced that. I jumped a little when he spoke to me without looking in my direction
" You might want to call Pat. He tried calling you earlier and I told him that you were still sleeping."
I swallowed and let out a sigh.
" Um okay. Are you sure that you'll be okay for a few more minutes?" I asked
" Yep. We'll be fine." he said finally looking at me, a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes. I wanted to say something, anything to make him smile for real but after what I had done I didn't begin to know what I could possibly say to make it better. I walked into the living room and grabbed my phone where it was still sitting on the coffee table. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. I dialed his number and part of me hoped that he would be to busy to anwser but that wasn't the case.
" Hey babe." he said in a chipper tone of voice
" Hey." I said trying to make sure that my voice didn't let on that something was wrong
" Is something wrong?" he asked.
" Nothing serious. I think I might be coming down with something?" I lied
" Well you better take care of yourself since we have plans when we get back."
" Oh really? And what would those plans be?" I asked curiously
" Adam has finally decided to propose and he wanted us and some of the other couples there when he does it. He was thinking a dinner out somewhere nice."
" Oh." I whispered
" Babe why don't you go lay back down, you really sound like shit. I'll call you later before my nap okay. Love you."
" Yeah me too" was all I could bring myself to respond with before I hung up the phone
I didn't want to go back in the kitchen but I knew that I needed to face him sooner or later so I might as well get it over with. They both were still where I had left them and when I entered the room. Adam asked me to grab a wash cloth so he could wash Aj's messy face and I did as I was asked, running the washcloth under warm water before I handed it to him. He cleaned up his face and hands and I couldn't help but ask him about what I'd been told
" So you aren't going to wait to ask her to marry you?" He shrugged his shoulders and handed me Aj
" I figured that I already got the ring so why wait?" he got up and went to the sink to wash out the dirty washrag. I stared at his back, silently willing him to turn around and look at me. He finally did and I didn't like the look that was on his face.
" Can you explain why you did what you did last night? After everything that we talked about yesterday and I wake up to find myself pretty much doing everything but having sex with you. Do you realize how much this is fucking with my head?" he pretty much growled at me. He limped over to another chair and sat down and waited for an explanation that I wasn't sure that I could give him. I hugged Aj around the waist as I tried to think of how I could explain what was going on in my head in a way that would make sense. I took a deep breath and tried to steady my nerves.
" After we had our talk I started to think about how things might have turned out if you had said something before all of this. I went to wake you up to get you off of the couch and you turned your head enough that your lips brushed mine and it was like all rationale thought just went out the window. If it's any consolation I didn't plan on doing it and I am really sorry that I screwed things up. I had been looking at the floor the whole time and it wasn't until I heard the chair scrapping against the floor and felt his fingers underneath my chin that I looked up.
" You didn't screw things up promise. I know that I should have never said what I did in the first place. I don't want to screw up things for either of us so if you want to pretend like it didn't happen I'm fine with that. You know that I'll always be around when you need someone just like I have always been."
I felt tears start to make their way slowly from my eyes. I didn't deserve to have the great people in my life that I did, especially not him.
" Oh god please don't cry. You know I'm no good with weepy women." he said in a light tone of voice. I let out a small laugh and rubbed at my face. He smiled at me and this time it seemed genuine, and that made me happy. I got up and wrapped one arm around his shoulders in a one armed hug.
" I don't deserve you as a friend." I said as I sniffled
" I know but luckily for you I am willing to take on the occasional charity case. I mean come on why else would I agree to room with Sharpe?"
I didn't want to let go but after what happened I didn't think it was appropriate to keep on touching him. I let go and sat back down. The rest of the day went by quickly and even though we didn't say it out loud I knew that what had happened between us wasn't going to be brought up again. Now I just had to deal with the ball of guilt that was gnawing at my stomach. I was just going to have to deal with it for the sake of not only our relationship but of everyone else that was involved too.